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Diary From the Attic

Cinquième Element

Last night was bad, I slept at six in the morning.  Force myself to get up at midday but I failed (once again).  Lucky the room service called at three and I managed to get out the room at four.  Did some shopping and headed off to Paris centre immediately.

Knowing that the show “Cinquième Element” or in English, “Fifth Element”, is so popular, I bought the ticket in advance.  Once again, thanks to Aurore’s Card, I bought the ticket in special rate.

Just before I left the room, I have noticed a magazine at my study room.  It tells me all the good restaurants around Paris.  I took a look and selected some of them near Chatelet.  It was an Italian restaurant and the food was fine.

That show “Cinquième Element” was really good.  Especially, I love the part about the fifth element, which was a heroine.  I just love heroine.  A lot of special effects with great sound quality.  What more do I want?  I still contemplating whether to watch “Romeo and Juliet” again or this one as I still have one credit left.

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Diary From the Attic

Friends to Confide In

This morning was such a good start.  Francis called me up at 8 and I had a nice good chat with him.  Basically, his advise was to remain in VTF until promotion.  He is currently into J P Morgan project doing some Year 2000 enhancements.  He would love to bring me in but he is thinking about my future as well.  Nice guy.

Had enough sleep, that’s the key to start a good day.  This morning, I had nothing to do so I went up to see Lionel and discussed with the Functional Team about MUE.  I think “New Sophie” is quite charming.

Had lunch with Mohamed and we ate pizza.  Had dinner with him again and ate Tunisian food.  That guy is seriously thinking of quitting the firm and I do not object his doing so.  I mean he has not been treated correctly.  Screwed up management, that is. 

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From the Attic Reflection

Holding Onto the Past

First day of holiday, woke up at half past eight.  Kind of a record.  Couldn’t get hot water from the hot water tap hence called the reception.  Apparently the lady didn’t understand English that well and thought I wanted breakfast instead.  What a joke!  Luckily, the “manager” (owner) was there and he asked me to try the cold water tape and it worked!

Very French breakfast and I headed for the Tourist Information.  Not much help in there and the conclusion is that you really need a car to get by.  So, with my camera, I walked towards the beach area.  The sky was still quite cloudy and therefore I couldn’t get any decent picture at all.  What a shame.  I walked along the coast watching lovers and families walking passed me.  What a shit feeling.  And I remember those good old days back in North Whales (apparently quite the same month) two years ago.  In my shabby Cherry, but it ran!  And JP. She was with me. When we were at the Caravan Site, one day we took a walk along the beach.  She was so beautiful and we picked up shells.  What a loving scene.  And it is so hard to forget!  I can’t get over this.  No, I can’t.  I keep asking myself to be strong and just have to accept that this is reality and it is over.

And we took a lot of good pictures at the beach.  She knew I love the beach.  I always do.  Watching the waving coming towards you really makes your heart flies!  At least mine does.  Always does.  Too much feeling.  Too intense.

And I climbed (back to Deauville) over some rocks, stuck my shoes into a pool of mud once.  Jumping over large big rocks.  That made me feel as though life is sometimes up and down and somehow or another, you will come across some very difficult situation.

I reached another town, feeling kind of hungry.  Therefore I walked into an Italian Restaurant.  Ordered a cheese and tomato as starter, spaghetti as main course, red wine and coffee.  The lady was very sweet so I left ten franc as tips.  The music was good and I asked them what it was.  They showed me the casing and it read, Neil Young – Harvest.  I am going to get that album.

And I walked all the way back to Deauville.  Too many flashbacks.  I kept on thinking of JP and all the “Could Have”.  All the history with no future.  She has changed so much.  Maybe I have changed as well.  What can I do?  Precisely.  Annie said time heals.  But I feel as though it hurts deeper and deeper each day.  Why?  I thought of phoning her just to ask how has she been but then I was afraid that she would not be at home.  She never does.

I planed for an afternoon nap (with Mylene Farmer’s music on) but it turned out to be a three hours long sleep.  And I swear I dreamt of JP again.  No, No, No.  Please. Somebody help me!

Worst of all, the mail server stopped responding.  It is just too sad in here.  I want to go back to Paris!  I want to watch a show instead of “enjoying” the loneliness all by myself.  Too much for me to bear and what have I done to deserve this?

I kept saying “I love you”.  But why?  So very confusing.  Part of my heart really hope that we can get back together.  After all, I still hope that she will regret and come back to me.  It is so easy to say but so hard to do.  Part of me knows that she is not the one for me.  And I am so lost, so lost and so lost.  I really have no aim no more.

I imagine that one day she will approach me with all the hi how are you.  Beautiful sweet smile in her best dress.  And she will ask me to transfer my name of the HDB application to her fiancé.  I will do it.  Anything for her but can I do it now instead of letting this haunting me all the time?

(After a diner at yet another Italian Restaurant)

Okay, I have thought about this.  At first, I was physically attracted (she was so feminine) and mentally (she seemed to understand me) attracted to her.  But as time goes by, she no longer satisfied my inner desire, the desire to be understood and to be cared for.  That, is replaced by history for I always hold on to the past.  That is it.

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Diary From the Attic

What Can We Do Without Friends?

Today was probably the best weekend I had so far.  My good buddy Mohamed has come out and met up with me.  He rang me up at midday (as promised) and told me that although Claude would not be able to join us tonight, he would be able to join me for the evening.  I was so delighted as I was expecting that he would say no.  And it took us 5 minutes to decide where to meet (as I don’t know Paris that well). I n the end, we decided to meet up at Chatelet FNAC.

We then took a walk to Saint Michel and in the end, we agreed to have Italian food.  At first he told me that’s up to me and I replied him that I have been deciding where to go for food for the past don’t know how many nights, I would not decide tonight.  And there you go, we had Italian food.  The meal I would say was nothing fantastic at all but hey, I have a company.

And surprisingly, he didn’t want to go back home immediately after the meal and he even suggested going for a show.  Wow! And this time  I chose to watch Al Pacino’s “Looking for Richard”. (I asked Mohamed after we have been seated, “When was the last time you watched a movie.” He replied, “5 years ago”.)

I am a big fan of Al Pacino so to me, the show was great.  You could really sit down for 2 hours simply appreciating his acting.  Shakespeare’s work may somehow sound boring, but not this one.  One may think that it is a documentary more than a film.  I agree that there is certainly some element of documentary but without doing so, I don’t think more than 90% of the audience will enjoy it.  The switch between the play and real life dialogue was fantastic.  Everything at the right moment.

So what have I done today?  Well, bought some fruit and actually seriously hunting (shopping) for a scarf and a pair of gloves and couldn’t find anyone I like.  Maybe next weekend.

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Diary From the Attic

Eating in Paris

It took 4 days for the French Technician to come and fix my network port.  I have been sharing the network port with Aurore.  In terms of work, there has not been anything being done at all.  But I am content.  At least I know that this trip is not chargeable, I do not feel the pressure at all.

Aurore has been quite cold to me nowadays.  I guess she is really busy and has to act like a boss.  Claude was right.  Aurore is young and she may scares that nobody will listen to her.  The office I am now working in is too small.  I do prefer the previous big room with all my good mates.

As for dinner, Claude has once again shown me a very nice restaurant.  I was the first customer and it was an Italian Restaurant.  As usual, my starter was rabbit and this time, as for main course, I tried something different.  Pasta with snails. Italian wine and fresh fruit salad as finale.  The atmosphere was very good. Light orange wall painting, my favorite.