Tag: dream

Categories
Diary

Dreams So Relentless Like Horses Racing Across a Field

What a bizarre evening!

In the past week, I have been waking up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep, and only dozed off as the sun rose. Coffee in the morning can help to stay awake. Wine in the evening can help to relax. But it gets tiring.

Last night, perhaps I went to sleep slightly happier. Or it could also due to the pink noise played through my Sonos speaker. Instead of waking up with eyes wide opened, I have a lot of intermittent sleeping cycles. Each comes with a dream. I tried to count each time I woke up. Around 10 dreams.

Now, I can’t remember all the dreams I had last night. Each was short, like a clip taken from a TV drama. All the characters came from people whom I know from work. That reminds me, a while back, I dreamed of a project outing to a holiday island. My team was there. My project accountable executive was also there in his colorful summer and beach attire (with a hat!). I was sharing an apartment with a few others. We toured the island, did group activities during the day. At night, I met a few of them and watched fireworks. The dream was so vivid that I still remember a lot of the details today.

So back to last evening, the dreams were bizarre because first, the same person, she appears in almost all the clips; and second, some clips actually refer to the previous clips! It is unusual to have dreams telling a similar or cohesive story and as one wakes up in between. When was the last time you woke up from a dream, remembered your dream, returned to your sleep, and continue your dream from where it left off?!

I am not a scientist who specialized in analyzing dreams. From my extensive dreaming experience, most of the time, dreams are made of fragments of our physical and emotional experience, including our fear and desire, from what we see and what we perceive. I am not entirely convinced that dreams can be prophetic in nature. But never say never, I guess.

Quite a few of the clips last night happened in Sentosa. Now, truth be told, that place looked nothing like Sentosa. It was more like a much quieter version of Hong Kong Repulse Bay (triggered by the upcoming SG-HK travel bubble?) mashed with a bit of Kent Ridge Guild House (recently had dinner with friends there). Beautiful oceans, on an elevated hill, overseeing a setting sun. Dinner. A walk around the island. Always with the same person with a blue dress. I was happy.

The last clip, though, was disturbing.

It was in an office with a very posh and spacious lobby. Natural light floods from the surrounding ground to ceiling glasses. Very much like a Korean drama.

Everything was white in color. Even the long bench that I was supposed to sharing a temporary working space with two others from work.

I was in the washroom doing my business. One female colleague opened the door ajar, peeped in, and asked if I have seen so-and-so. I looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

Then, we heard a voice. One cubicle door opened! The female colleague entered and I saw this male colleague of mine changing with just a long T-shirt on, strategically covering his private parts.

How could I possible dream such dream?!

Then I remember, last evening as I was chatting with my friend N, she collects figurines. They are called the Sonny Angels. Please. Don’t. Judge.

Irresistibly Cute (don’t judge!)
Categories
Diary My Good Life

The Game Of Love

You know how it is like when you live through a certain stage of your life or pass a certain age, you don’t experience certain things in life anymore. Like the frustration of finding love, the thrill of falling in love, the insecurity of being in love, the worry of falling out of love, and the heartache and the path of self-destruction in the name of love. Thereafter, the road to recovery, trying so very hard not to think of the one, hardly any effort to forget someone until it has turned into a story of melancholy. You begin to forget the face, the scent, the touch, even the tone of the voice. It is as though all that you have gone through is relegated into nothingness.

So what’s the point?

I guess, it is the love experience and the journey that counts.

So for someone like me who has lived through a certain stage of my life, passed a certain age, I don’t get to experience the game of love anymore.

Except of course, when in a dream.

I had a dream last night. A vivid one. One that I can remember most of the story and especially from beginning to end.

There was this girl. Petit and fair. Not the pretty type. Certainly charming with her eccentric attitude. My dream character (a.k.a me) and she had become close. Since she was popular, she had many admirers. Now, I was rather casual as I did not think I had a shot. She has this aura that made me felt that she was into me. For all I knew, she could have this aura turned on for all the guys around her. Or to the least, the guys she wanted to attract.

We hang out. In parties. And in a casual setting. Most of the time, we were not alone. There were others. But she or rather we often found ways to have moments of light intimacy. Like the brushing of our hands. The occasional locking of eyes. That exchange of a secret smile. At one stage, I vividly remembered that I was in love. I looked forward to seeing her. I felt happy when we were together. Down when we were not.

Somewhere somehow like how most love stories unfold, the relationship had gone down south. Perhaps she was tired of me. Perhaps she was toying with my feeling. I had no idea. It was the classic case of a crash and burn. The sadness was overwhelming. The heartache was so intense that I must have woken up in the middle of the night.

Because there was a cut scene to the time I was supposed to have healed. Years later it must have been. There was this very old car that I drove. The same car that we were used to having when the girl and I were together. In my dream, I have revisited the places we have been to. I must have tried to regain some of the lost memories. No one wants to lose the entire journey experience just because of a bad heartbreak.

It was a school. Perhaps. And I met the new students there. A canteen. A large roundabout at the lobby. It was at night. I observed the sky with the new students. Such peace. The open sky. I could not help but wonder, where was the girl and how had she been? She had faded in my mind, a great deal.

The night was late and I was lying comfortably on a mat with three other students. Two guys and two girls. And we were chatting casually. The girls were in skimpy dresses. All of a sudden, one of the girls had started to … and I gasped …

I guess that was the time when things got erotic in my dream. In real life though, my wife has woken me up asking me what’s for breakfast.

My wife has impeccable timing.

Categories
Diary From the Attic

If Only Life Works out Differently

Last night I slept very late having online chat with a lot of great guys.  Somehow we went into the topic of writing literature, and this UK guy “Dead Calm” and I was talking about Swan Lake (one lady elegant, educated with American culture called Swan).  And we wrote a lot of stuffs online.  Finally I posted one of my message “Death Marriage” out and some guys even chatted with me privately and asked me who is author and so on.  I was so thrill and was really in joy.

Towards the end, I was chatting was an American woman and she suggested to have phone sex today.  And I didn’t call.

Therefore, I woke up feeling pretty bad.  Logged onto Notes and found that the office rejected my holiday plan (of paying).  Even I was worried that I do not possess a valid visa to USA.  What a bad day!

One more thing, a very bizarre dream.  I dreamt of visiting my ex.  I knocked onto the door and found two women inside her room.  It was kind of an authentic place.  Small room with wooden furniture.  A small bed with bed light.  A table and a very decent window.  It must be evening.  I asked for my ex.  One of the women asked another one to leave the room and vaguely she (the one who remained in the room) told me that my ex had left and would not want to see me.

Then she told me I can sleep on the right side of the bed while she would talk the left side.  And suddenly a drop dead beautiful (white) lady who dressed like an angel came into the room.  Talked to me but I hardly remember what she said!  All I could remember was she was very pleasant.

And she left the room.  My ex walked in.  She looked so thin!  And she sat down by the bed.  I sat next to her and began to chat.  And she looked darker as well.  I touched her fingers and all a sudden, I found that she was actually me!

And I woke up.

I asked Mohamed and he has no answer for me.

Today I told Mohamed in a very convincing voice: I want to go home.  Really, I am tired of being in Paris.  I miss JP a lot.  Tonight after a dinner at my favorite restaurant, I thought of buying my friends presents (budget FF1,000) and I want to buy JP one too.  Oh, I miss her.  If only life works out differently.