Ah, how shall I begin this month.
Imprisonment? Face my own devil? Decision to make? Welcome the pain and endure the torture? Hell fire for all the sins I have committed? Regrets? Drastic change of reality?
“Don’t give up”, that is the song I have been long to listen to when I was in Paris. Funny that JP did not take this Peter Gabriel’s “So” CD. Was it all destinated?
Oh, Lord, I wish I am stronger. Strong enough to endure all the punishments. Strong enough to move on.
Went out with Annie tonight. Had a drink and showed her the photos. Had a dinner and gave her the present. Had a movie “The Saint” as well.
I just have to face it. Been thinking about whether I shall see her again. To see her, I will repeat what I have done wrongly during my fourth year. I will beg for her love again and how long can I stretch?
All the wrongs I have done cannot be undone. How can love turn so badly? Where has all our passion gone to?
It could have turned out the other way. It could have turned out so differently. It was my first love. Human bounds to make mistake especially when they are having their first go. Annie may be right. I need somebody who is independent, who will still be mine when I am far away. Wasn’t it JP’s idea not to see each other so often? But she never wanted to see me at the airport. Now, that is not love. THAT IS NOT LOVE!
I believe that I have done my part in trying to remedy the situation. Am I not a decent person? Am I really that ugly and unattractive to be fond of. Somebody please answer me.