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Diary

The Melancholy Me But Why – A Cubism Doodle

By definition, the word melancholy as I have discovered today means to reflect deep sad thought with no obvious reason, which is not far from how I have interpreted it and how I have experienced it.

I enjoy spending time with people. But I also enjoy spending time alone observing, self-reflecting, and going through the process of art creation such as music, drawing, photography, and writing.

Ever since I bought a set of outdoor table and chairs, my balcony has become my favorite place in my home. I would bring my Sonos speaker out, fill up a glass of wine, and think.

I would go through the day, pick up the memorable bits – happy or sad – and run it through my head again and again. The process is no different from video editing. 12 hours may have passed and the day gets fragmented and stitched into a short video clip distorted with feeling and emotion amplified and the what-if and could have been.

I have been told that I am a melancholy person (perhaps that’s why I know what it is while not knowing exactly what it means). And I believe that at times, others know me better than I know myself. It is like a lens that I wear that prompts me to see the world in a veil of temporary sadness.

But why? I seriously don’t know.

It could be a self-balancing act. During the day, I tend to see the world in a good light, blocking off negative thoughts and observations. But this internal mechanism needs a recharge. When I am alone, I would need to come face to face with the suppressed emotion or thought. Not in its entirety. At least the significant bits.

Now, imagine, what if I had a terrible day? I would simply crash when I am alone. Until my internal mechanism of self-balancing gets recharged and kicked in.

This drawing can be viewed upside down as well, as I rest myself on the table.

There are happy days of course. A healthy salad bowl for lunch. Fresh paint. A nap that I wish I had (as I stayed late last night drawing this). The sound of the construction nearby. Anticipation and joy. A new pair of glasses. Sumptuous vegetarian meal. Christmas coming and people shopping for gifts. Smile. Laugher. More smile and laughter.

Even on a happy day like today, as I sit at the balcony listening to Lucia’s Without You playing through my Sonos speaker, overseeing the night view of the Singapore skyline, hearing the sound of the raindrop, and feeling the gentle night breeze, I can’t stop but think, what if today fades away and gets buried deep inside my memory that I can no longer retrieve in the far future?

Melancholy, a feeling of pensive sadness, tropically with no obvious cause.

What a wonderful day and a beautiful night. I shall end this post with a positive note.

At this very moment, I am happy.

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Diary My Hobbies

Snails & Escargots – A Cubism Doodle

I remember Freddy. He was a fellow Hongkonger whom I have met back in my university days. It was his first year in the UK, still imbued with Hong Kong culture. While for me, I had been soaked in Western culture for two years ahead of him. Hanging out with him was an interesting experience. He reminded me of myself when I first arrived in the UK and faced a foreign culture. Though I must say, I embraced Western culture more readily than he did.

It is hard to say if I was really into Freddy. We got along well, in the sense that I was and still am an adaptable person. He was a scholar and I wasn’t (though after four years, we both graduated as first-class honor). Very smart. Those who didn’t know him may find him arrogant. I just recognized the fact that he saw this world in a very different way compared to the rest of us. We had common hobbies and interests. Or rather, I have learned to develop common hobbies and interests with new friends. That is what I do.

Titled “Escargots & Snails”

Freddy introduced me to Pink Floyd, for which I am eternally grateful. Pink Floyd has inspired my music creation journey. We would talk about Shine On You Crazy Diamond night after night and would listen to it non-stop. Pink Floyd was our thing. I would head to the gigantic Blackmores bookstore in Oxford to read their biography. I would browse the magazines at WH Smiths to read their latest news. In fact, I have attended Pink Floyd‘s live concert PLUSE in the UK. That could well be their last gig in a ‘full band’ setting.

Freddy has also introduced me to escargots. I vividly remembered the expression he gave when he described the dish … it was so delicious, so out of the world. Eyes rolled back, all white. Fingers near his mouth, breathing in deep.

Initially, I found the idea rather repulsive. I could not imagine myself eating snails, no matter how starved I am. Then, I have done some research. These are not regular snails. These are farmed snails. Very much like frogs, I guess. I ate frogs when I was in Hong Kong. Frogs taste like chicken, in case you are curious. They really do.

I cannot recall when was the first time I have eaten escargots or whom I was with. What I do recall though is that when I was in a business trip working in Paris, one of my favorite starter dishes would be escargots. Either that or the live oysters.

If I am asked to describe escargots, I would not have done that Freddy impression. What I would say is that with the melted butter, the herbs, and the unique chewy texture, escargots really go well with bread.

One French friend told me that the escargot meat doesn’t belong to the shell it comes from. The farms supply the meat without shells. And the restaurants reuse the shells. I do not know how true it is. He or she might have pulled my legs.

Fast forward to yesterday, Y had dinner. Instead of oysters, she had escargots the first time (both are my favorites). I don’t think she was thrilled. But, that has triggered all sorts of memories, Freddy and my Paris business trip. At the National Gallery of Singapore and in one of the exhibitions, there were framed photos of snails placed on top of sand and dirt on the floor. That also triggered my recent memory, when I walked back home and in my condo and especially on a rainy day, I often saw snails crossing the path. I would carefully pick them up and put them onto the grassland knowing very well that they are in fact pests. I hardly see snails in my condo these days. The management office must have done a good job of exterminating them.

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My Hobbies

An Ox – A Cubism Doodle

I have always been intrigued by Cubism artworks. I could admire them for hours in a museum. Lately, an unspeakable emotion from within has ignited my passion to venture into art forms that are different from my own, yet enabling me to apply my personal techniques. I wanted to draw an ox. This is the outcome.

Titled “Ox”

Those who know Cubism (and disclaimer here – I am still learning) would know that interpreting one is not straightforward. Each of such artwork captures a combination of the following: the movement of the objects, their different viewing angles, and the temporal aspect.

Centered to this drawing is a ox viewed sideway (see illustration below). You can also see it turns its head towards you. Or lower its head to graze the grass. Or simply move around.

The challenge of completing this drawing is that, according to Cubism (and I hope I am getting that right), I would need to shade or color the ‘cubes’ in a certain way. Since I can neither shade nor color my drawing, I have to use patterns, while preserving the unique way of how I draw. This is my first attempt. In time, I will get better.

As a side note, I am using a different type of paper more for marker drawing. It has a very smooth coating, doesn’t absorb as much ink as the papers I use previously, and more importantly, the ink doesn’t feather. It does have its cons such as using eraser would leave a very faint visible mark on the paper when viewed at a certain angle. And the ink doesn’t appear as even at certain spots. Meanwhile, I am still undecided on the type of varnish to use – gloss versus matt.

Can you now see the ox facing sideway?