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Diary From the Attic

My Partner of Life Would be Ideally …

Woke up at ten.  First time in history because Cecile invited me for a lunch at her place.  I mean Cecile is quite a woman.  French woman and truly feminine. I  have never seem someone as feminine as her.  Wow!  She is slim with 2 kids (and not married!).  Her boyfriend come home once in a week (I guess) and she has to take care of 2 kids of theirs.  Quite incredible.  And she reads a lot of books as well and she knows quite a number of poems.

That makes me wonder who shall be my partner of life. She would be ideally:

  • Feminine
  • Love children
  • Have strong opinion of her own (and clever)
  • Like to read and appreciate literature (hopefully be artistic)
  • Give me security and love me
  • Get along well with my family
  • Love nature

Cecile’s friend is a civil engineer and he has got a wife and a kid as well.  Hence throughout the whole Saturday afternoon, I was with three kids.  Do I like kids at all?  Maybe I do love to have my own kids.

And in the evening, I met up with Alvin and Pui (from HK).  I seriously think there is something going on between those two.  I hate to go out in threesome.  I swear I shall try to avoid this in the future.  We had Mexican food before the movie (Dante’s Peak).  I kind of like the visual effect but I don’t think they appreciated it at all.  Too picky.

I suggested to take a walk to the Eiffel Tower but it was not lit up at all.  We wanted to have a drink but there wasn’t any at that area.  We then went to Rue Montmartre (near their hotel) and had a drink.  It was a Karaoke Bar and I had a beer.

Too much alcohol nowadays and I do have craving for alcohol.  Kind of scary, isn’t it?

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From the Attic

My Paris Collection – Coming out of Water (Prelude to Love Album)

Thunder rolls and the sky cracks opened. Dark dense clouds circulates above the ocean. A beam of light shines onto the sea. Bubbles release from the surface. Small bubbles. Big bubbles. Signify the rise of a monument that shall stand to the end of time.

Thunder roars and the lightning strikes. Chase away the vicious darkness. The earth shakes with the boom of the blast. Creature gathers together. Small creatures. Big creatures. Witness the rise of a monument that shall stand to the end of time.

A heart made of steel. No rust shall ever corrupt this beautiful statue. Steel came from the purifying furnace, no scar shall penetrate deeper than just the surface. Seven angels sing, accomplish by the harmony coming from seven beautiful instruments.

Celebrate this moment of time. Enormous as it shall be, it stands proudly above the water. Colored fume whirls and wraps around this statue. Slowly, the statue takes its form.

A different time, a different form. Does that matter? And the obelisk of time, life and joy is once again reconstructed.

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Diary From the Attic

In the Dark?

This afternoon I called up Benny and found that he has not read my email that was sent to him more than 2 weeks ago.  And he told me that all the family members were in the dark not knowing what was happened between me and her sister.  Too me, it is really over.  I shall not approach her again and beg for her love.  Maybe if she does it, I may have a second thought.

This evening, I met up with the BNP team.  Had a very long dinner and had a drink.  I nearly missed my last train (4 min).  Lucky me.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t want to walk.

And this morning, this French Lady called me and asked if I am free tomorrow for a lunch.  Why not?  She has 2 kids and a boyfriend.  I hope it would be interesting.  For that, I will miss the BNP team in La Defense.

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Diary From the Attic

First Time I Gave Training

Today was the big day for me because it was the first time I gave training.  I have always wanted to give lecture and so on.  And finally it came true.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Funny thing was at some point in time, some of my clients actually feeling very tired but I hoped I have made it interesting enough to keep them awake.  It was after all, a very good experience.

And I have bought the Bee Gee’s new album.  I love the song “Alone”.  Kind of suit my lifestyle right now.

Claude took me to a restaurant and told me that it would be good.  It was Fauchon.  There was one in Singapore (Christmas diner, remember?)  The atmosphere was very good.  Very yellow and light colored. Candles and large plants.  And it was very expensive too.

Suddenly feel very tired and feel like falling sick again.  Oh, no.

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Diary From the Attic

Mail Server Crashed, Not That I Quit

Aurore stopped me from swearing in French.  Most shocking.  Anyway, I shouldn’t do it to start with.  Got an image to maintain, you know.

Received an email from Doug praising me that my status report was very good.  Well, he didn’t exactly say that.  What he said was my most recent status report is a lot better than my previous ones.  But at least I know he reads.  Kind of happy over this.

Noubi issued another nonsense SIR.  I rejected it and he rejected my rejection.  Me and him, always at war.  But I just love to have war with him.  Kind of keep my heart pumping.  As for work, my non-customer report seems to work out fine.  Just that now I have to put all the 10 reports into one.  One good challenge.

Tomorrow, I am going to give my very first training session.  And the first in my life.  I think I’ve come well prepared and I hope it should work out okay.

Called up Sam and in fact, he was worried that I have quited the firm (without notifying him).  I told him not to worry, just the mail server crashed last week.  He suggested that I should talk with my ex face to face.  What is there to talk about?  Don’t think we’ll ever come back together anyway.  Right?

Walking down the Champs-Elysees, looking for a restaurant have my dinner.  It is really a headache nowadays to hunt for a restaurant.  I ended up in St. Clement, the one I used to go very often (for my oysters).  And finally, got to try my white Martini.  I love Martini, red or white.

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Diary From the Attic

Tomorrow I Will Try to Wake up with a Smile

April’s Fool.  Really wanted to call up Lionel first thing in the morning telling him that I have quited the firm and returning back to Singapore next morning.  But I didn’t do it.  Thought it would been too much.  Nice thought though.

Yes, my dream has come true.  I sat in the office the whole day wondering what to do.  Try to disturb people here and there but they were too busy.  Went upstairs twice to have a nice chat with the Functional Team.  Sophie was not in and the whole atmosphere was a lot more relax.

The “New Sophie” seems quite nice and I don’t mind to be friend with her.  She seems quite pleasant to be with.  I don’t know.  Just impression, I think.

And I asked Aurore about the ending of “Donnie Brasco”.  She was quite surprised that the text at the end was all in French for she hasn’t been noticing it.  She told me that this was a true story and the Mafia rewarded a great sum to get Donnie kill.  But Donnie still lives (in real life).

This morning I received an Octel reply from Jennifer.  She told me that the server was crashed over the weekend.  No wonder.  Nice to hear her voice.

Sam left a message in my hotel’s voice mailbox.  He wanted to talk to me.  I wonder what is it all about.  I can’t help but thinking that it relates to my ex.  Please stop it!  Or else you will destroy yourself.  Okay?

During the trip, I learnt three things.

  1. The presence of obstacles
  2. Be patience
  3. I shall leave my memories back in Deauville

Having nothing better to do, I have decided to re-write all the customer engagement and monthly summary reports and reduce them into 2 reports respectively.  It will be one big query with a lot of outer join.  Why not?  Just for a challenge.

Be positive.  Be positive.  Be positive.

Tomorrow morning I will try to wake up with a smile.

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From the Attic

My Paris Collection – Strip

Love took him down to the middle of nowhere. Just to leave him there. And Love striped him down with nothing. Leaving him exposed to the wildness and to the coldness.

Totally naked, he was waiting and waiting. Longing for the touch of Love. But she never returned.

So he ended up in nowhere. Losing track of time he waited and waited. Hoping that Love would return one day.

And he ran. Throughout the night he ran and ran. Running away from Love, may he be. Running away from his dream, may he be. For dawn shall arrive in no time. And once again the sun will embrace him with his warmth.

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Diary From the Attic

Saying Bye Bye to All My Sadness, Okay?

Last day of the month.  Hopefully a new beginning for me.

Got up late (11:30) and packed up as today was supposed to be the last day of my holiday.  And the most annoying thing was that the weather was so good.  It was so sunny.

I had a homemade lunch and left the hotel after one.  Waited for the train to depart for 2 ½ hours.  What’s new?  I was so glad that I returned to Paris.  Kind of really miss the luxury lifestyle.

I was craving for Japanese food and guess what, I found the one I wanted in the Paris Center.  In the end I found that the “owners” actually speak Cantonese.  Really thought they are Japanese.  In fact, they came from Macau 12 years ago.  Isn’t that amazing?

And in time to watch the movie “Donnie Brasco”.  When I ordered the ticket, I spoke in French and that guy said something in French.  Of course I didn’t understand.  In the end, I found that he wanted to ask if I am a student.  Am I look that young?

The show was great.  After all, it was Al Pacino.  My all time favorite star on Earth.  I understood the show “perfectly” until the end.  The ending was in text and it was all in French.  Kind of very annoying.  Must ask Aurore tomorrow morning as she watched the show (because of Johnny Depp).

During this trip, I have learnt something but it is too late now to talk about it.  Will write more later on.

Say bye bye to all my sadness, okay?

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From the Attic Travel Blog

Honfleur, A Beautiful Town by the Sea

One thing good about Window 95 is that it automatically changed my system time today (Daytime something) at midnight 00:00 and forwarded one hour for me.

Planned to get up at undefined time and true enough, got up at 11:00.  I really found it very hard to get up.  I knew my bus would be gone in less than three quarters of an hour so I got out of bed at 11:15, had a quite wash-up and dashed to the train station.  Indeed the bus was half an hour late.

Honfleur is quite a lovely place.  Nice town by the sea.  That is all.  Maybe the expectation was being set too high (someone told me that Honfleur is the most beautiful place in France).  I am sure York is better than Honfleur.

Today was a day of waiting.  You will see.

First I wanted some food.  So I walked into a café shop and had a sandwich.  Actually wanted to have a cup of café and I waited for more than half an hour.  I fed up and left the café.

I was planning to leave the place at six something (buses are rare) but I really wanted to go at three.  There was nothing much to see.  In fact, I prefer Deauville (the beaches).  I discovered that there was a bus at four something and actually waited for 4 hours for the last bus!!  No wonder they suggested that you should rent a car.  (Not quite true as they claim that there are a lot of things to see around Deauville).

And I had a 2 ½ hours supper due to the waiting. What can I say?

And I still think of JP all of the time.

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From the Attic Reflection

Holding Onto the Past

First day of holiday, woke up at half past eight.  Kind of a record.  Couldn’t get hot water from the hot water tap hence called the reception.  Apparently the lady didn’t understand English that well and thought I wanted breakfast instead.  What a joke!  Luckily, the “manager” (owner) was there and he asked me to try the cold water tape and it worked!

Very French breakfast and I headed for the Tourist Information.  Not much help in there and the conclusion is that you really need a car to get by.  So, with my camera, I walked towards the beach area.  The sky was still quite cloudy and therefore I couldn’t get any decent picture at all.  What a shame.  I walked along the coast watching lovers and families walking passed me.  What a shit feeling.  And I remember those good old days back in North Whales (apparently quite the same month) two years ago.  In my shabby Cherry, but it ran!  And JP. She was with me. When we were at the Caravan Site, one day we took a walk along the beach.  She was so beautiful and we picked up shells.  What a loving scene.  And it is so hard to forget!  I can’t get over this.  No, I can’t.  I keep asking myself to be strong and just have to accept that this is reality and it is over.

And we took a lot of good pictures at the beach.  She knew I love the beach.  I always do.  Watching the waving coming towards you really makes your heart flies!  At least mine does.  Always does.  Too much feeling.  Too intense.

And I climbed (back to Deauville) over some rocks, stuck my shoes into a pool of mud once.  Jumping over large big rocks.  That made me feel as though life is sometimes up and down and somehow or another, you will come across some very difficult situation.

I reached another town, feeling kind of hungry.  Therefore I walked into an Italian Restaurant.  Ordered a cheese and tomato as starter, spaghetti as main course, red wine and coffee.  The lady was very sweet so I left ten franc as tips.  The music was good and I asked them what it was.  They showed me the casing and it read, Neil Young – Harvest.  I am going to get that album.

And I walked all the way back to Deauville.  Too many flashbacks.  I kept on thinking of JP and all the “Could Have”.  All the history with no future.  She has changed so much.  Maybe I have changed as well.  What can I do?  Precisely.  Annie said time heals.  But I feel as though it hurts deeper and deeper each day.  Why?  I thought of phoning her just to ask how has she been but then I was afraid that she would not be at home.  She never does.

I planed for an afternoon nap (with Mylene Farmer’s music on) but it turned out to be a three hours long sleep.  And I swear I dreamt of JP again.  No, No, No.  Please. Somebody help me!

Worst of all, the mail server stopped responding.  It is just too sad in here.  I want to go back to Paris!  I want to watch a show instead of “enjoying” the loneliness all by myself.  Too much for me to bear and what have I done to deserve this?

I kept saying “I love you”.  But why?  So very confusing.  Part of my heart really hope that we can get back together.  After all, I still hope that she will regret and come back to me.  It is so easy to say but so hard to do.  Part of me knows that she is not the one for me.  And I am so lost, so lost and so lost.  I really have no aim no more.

I imagine that one day she will approach me with all the hi how are you.  Beautiful sweet smile in her best dress.  And she will ask me to transfer my name of the HDB application to her fiancé.  I will do it.  Anything for her but can I do it now instead of letting this haunting me all the time?

(After a diner at yet another Italian Restaurant)

Okay, I have thought about this.  At first, I was physically attracted (she was so feminine) and mentally (she seemed to understand me) attracted to her.  But as time goes by, she no longer satisfied my inner desire, the desire to be understood and to be cared for.  That, is replaced by history for I always hold on to the past.  That is it.