Category: Diary

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Diary

Words, Taking Them Back Or Not That’s the Question

One of the most common questions asked from my friends and acquaintances in parties, casual or business settings or one-on-one could well be, “do you have any regrets?”. Or “have you regretted doing or not doing this?”.

I don’t really.

Simply because my actions have been taken based on decisions I have made in the past. Now, you could question how sound the decisions were and the thinking process behind it. But regardless, I have learned and moved on.

Such mentality has also been reflected in how I play any given role-playing video game in contrast to how my buddy at work FG approaches his.

How role-playing game works is that you take on the persona of a virtual character, experience the virtual world, and continue making decisions that will affect how your character develops, very much like the real world.

FG would save the game before making a decision, continue playing that character for a little longer, and reload the game back to its previous state if he doesn’t think that he has made the most optimal decision. In real world lingo, FG turns back time at will and corrects his mistakes as the story unfolds. By doing that, he is more likely to end up with the most awesome character in that virtual world.

My approach is different. I seldom ‘turn back time’. My character would inherit all the good and bad decisions I have made and become a unique character with merits and flaws. Yes, life can be harder in this virtual world because more so than not, my character has to compensate for areas that he or she is not good at (thanks to me). But that creates a unique story, a unique narration that I can call my own.

Long story short, I very seldom regret in life.

Words are different. And I have been struggling with such contradiction from within. There are words that I truly wish to take back – be it as they are truth or lie or neither. Words were transmitted, which create a series of episodes in life that I may or may not be able to unwind; words that have to be fixed by more words to be said and more actions to be taken.

Then I am thinking, what is the difference between having little or no regret on decisions made in the past versus the words that I wish I could take back?

My first intuitive reply to myself would be, there is no difference. Hence, I do have regrets in life that I have blocked off and don’t want to talk about.

Or perhaps, the reason why I have little or no regret in life is that I have gotten over it. I may have felt bad during that period of time. But I no longer even bother wanting to change the things that I have done.

Upon pondering on this topic further, I believe there is a subtle difference here. For me (and I have to be specific as I can’t speak on behalf of everyone), when it comes to action, which goes beyond words, it is more often than not premeditated even under external influences. Words though can be heavily influenced by my mood or my current emotion. It could be the truth spoken or transmitted disregarding how the recipient would receive it (as in, not all truth are pleasant to the ears); on some occasion, it could be the lie born out of the circumstances (e.g. “Do you enjoy the food delivered to your home?” “Yes, it was delicious, thank you for sending it over”) or irrational as it seems, it could be words that are neither truth nor lie, just not meant to be said (e.g. “I wish you weren’t here” while in reality, I just don’t know).

In short, I need to think more before I speak or type.

Now, another way to look into this topic is that, why not treat it the same way as to how I approach a role-playing video game? As in, let the words be heard the way I have originally intended. Learn and move on. This exchange of words, which may have created some dramatic moments in life, may indeed be necessary. This is how people explore each other; this is how we understand each other and ourselves better; this could well be how the Universe has intended it to be.

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Diary My Hobbies

Snails & Escargots – A Cubism Doodle

I remember Freddy. He was a fellow Hongkonger whom I have met back in my university days. It was his first year in the UK, still imbued with Hong Kong culture. While for me, I had been soaked in Western culture for two years ahead of him. Hanging out with him was an interesting experience. He reminded me of myself when I first arrived in the UK and faced a foreign culture. Though I must say, I embraced Western culture more readily than he did.

It is hard to say if I was really into Freddy. We got along well, in the sense that I was and still am an adaptable person. He was a scholar and I wasn’t (though after four years, we both graduated as first-class honor). Very smart. Those who didn’t know him may find him arrogant. I just recognized the fact that he saw this world in a very different way compared to the rest of us. We had common hobbies and interests. Or rather, I have learned to develop common hobbies and interests with new friends. That is what I do.

Titled “Escargots & Snails”

Freddy introduced me to Pink Floyd, for which I am eternally grateful. Pink Floyd has inspired my music creation journey. We would talk about Shine On You Crazy Diamond night after night and would listen to it non-stop. Pink Floyd was our thing. I would head to the gigantic Blackmores bookstore in Oxford to read their biography. I would browse the magazines at WH Smiths to read their latest news. In fact, I have attended Pink Floyd‘s live concert PLUSE in the UK. That could well be their last gig in a ‘full band’ setting.

Freddy has also introduced me to escargots. I vividly remembered the expression he gave when he described the dish … it was so delicious, so out of the world. Eyes rolled back, all white. Fingers near his mouth, breathing in deep.

Initially, I found the idea rather repulsive. I could not imagine myself eating snails, no matter how starved I am. Then, I have done some research. These are not regular snails. These are farmed snails. Very much like frogs, I guess. I ate frogs when I was in Hong Kong. Frogs taste like chicken, in case you are curious. They really do.

I cannot recall when was the first time I have eaten escargots or whom I was with. What I do recall though is that when I was in a business trip working in Paris, one of my favorite starter dishes would be escargots. Either that or the live oysters.

If I am asked to describe escargots, I would not have done that Freddy impression. What I would say is that with the melted butter, the herbs, and the unique chewy texture, escargots really go well with bread.

One French friend told me that the escargot meat doesn’t belong to the shell it comes from. The farms supply the meat without shells. And the restaurants reuse the shells. I do not know how true it is. He or she might have pulled my legs.

Fast forward to yesterday, Y had dinner. Instead of oysters, she had escargots the first time (both are my favorites). I don’t think she was thrilled. But, that has triggered all sorts of memories, Freddy and my Paris business trip. At the National Gallery of Singapore and in one of the exhibitions, there were framed photos of snails placed on top of sand and dirt on the floor. That also triggered my recent memory, when I walked back home and in my condo and especially on a rainy day, I often saw snails crossing the path. I would carefully pick them up and put them onto the grassland knowing very well that they are in fact pests. I hardly see snails in my condo these days. The management office must have done a good job of exterminating them.

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Diary

When I Attempt to Write Short Pieces

Recently I read a book written by r.h. Sin. It is a book full of short pieces (poems?) and is a perfect book for the broken-hearted. I am so inspired that I want to try out writing short pieces (can’t call mine poems as yet, can I?). Here we go. Eight pieces in total.

PS. There is a part two and a part three.

If you love someone
Let her know today
Don’t wait
For tomorrow is not a given

If she upsets you
Forgive her today
Don’t wait
For tomorrow may not come

If you are happy or sad today
Remember every detail
Don’t waste the only opportunity you have
Today

“Today” by Wilfrid Wong

Commit all that you see
Commit all that you feel
Commit all that you experience
Commit all that you love … to memory

For we come to today with nothing
And we will leave today taking nothing … but memory

“Memory” by Wilfrid Wong

Do you feel the obsession?
Are you addicted to that one feeling that you can’t live without?

Good
Because you are alive

Live it

“Feeling Alive” by Wilfrid Wong

When I listened to you
I did not judge
But when it was your turn
You did not live up to my expectation

“Expectation” by Wilfrid Wong

What is that one thing that you can live with and live without?
When you find it
My congratulations
You have found love

“With or Without You” by Wilfrid Wong

Every second presents a thousand a million possibilities
You could sit back and observe
Or you could start to take action
In the end there is no right or wrong path
It is that one step you have decided to take
That leads to another set of thousands and millions of possibilities

“The Universe” by Wilfrid Wong

My body you have
My heart you own
My soul you possess
I am truly yours

“Body, Heart & Soul” by Wilfrid Wong

I listen to the Korean OST playlist
I feel the peace and the serenity within me
I remember each moment
The storytelling and the afterward

I feel as though I could go back in time
Like many of the Korean dramas
To relive each moment
I am the storyteller and you are my only audience

“22:54pm” by Wilfrid Wong
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Diary My Hobbies

Into the Souls When Reality Meets Fantasy – A Doodle

Some say that our eyes are windows to our souls. When we look into each other’s eyes long enough and when the conditions are right, perhaps it is possible to get a glimpse of what lies inside.

Titled as Doodle – Into the Souls When Reality Meets Fantasy

That very soul reaching concept forms the foundation of what I wish to articulate in this drawing. Two persons living in the same world when look into each other’s soul see something very different. The composition is very simple. Yet, I enjoyed furnishing the details as I carefully layered the different themes in building up to the concept of Into the Souls When Reality Meets Fantasy.

There are in total 7 layers including a hidden one.

In the foreground are the sea creatures followed by the ocean waves at the bottom. The third layer is the couple who are facing each other. The fourth layer is the flying creatures on top followed by the fifth layer – the moon on the left, the sun on the right, and the sunrays. The sixth layer – which also becomes harder to see and is intentional as objects closer to us reveals more details than those further – are two eyeballs that meet and slightly overlap. They are also facing each other like the couple.

To see the final and the hidden seventh layer requires a bit of imagination. It is an infinity sign if you trace the shapes of the slightly overlapped eyeballs. That is the unification of the souls, for eternity.

One final thought to share is the different types of creatures. On the left and those that belong to the boy are creatures of fantasy. Phoenixes that only exist in literature books and monstrous crabs in video games. On the right, which belongs to the girl, is what you can find in this world. Birds and crabs. Hence, what you see here is when reality and fantasy meet as the couple look into each other’s soul. That is the very contrast I wish to highlight.

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Diary

Let Love Be – A Doodle

November 2020 has its highs and lows. But overall, it was a memorable month. Yesterday I was on leave. And I visited the National Gallery Singapore. I could feel the passion and love around me; I could breathe it all in. It was good to be able to take my time, admire the artworks that I can relate to. And hope that I may get inspired; and that I can further improve my craft.

Hope.

Titled “Let Love Be” … and that is one way to view this drawing

Back to this drawing, I have this strong concept of a whirlpool. I see this boy drops right into it and this girl looking from the shore. Then I think of the ebb and flow of a love relationship. Perhaps this girl drops the boy into the whirlpool. But she is having a second thought. Maybe, just maybe, this boy is worth saving. This once.

In my mind, I am thinking of the fairy tale, whereby Rapunzel attempts to save her prince with her hair.

On the other hand, you could also view this drawing upside down whereby it is the boy who is saving the girl

Now of course, when viewed upside down, you could also see this boy throwing down a rope attempting to save the girl. Perhaps the girl is drowning, in confusion. Such is the beauty of art. In the end, it is your interpretation that matters.

Back to the National Gallery Singapore, one really cool thing is that visitors can create a poster based on some of the artworks the museum displays. I have spent some time with the gigantic touch screen. The poster I have created has … erm … a common theme.

Now, be nice. Don’t judge.

A poster I have created in Singapore National Gallery
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Diary

Under the Watchful Eyes of Blue Giant Crab Love is in the Air – A Doodle

Last Friday, I was on leave. And it was extraordinary. I was happy. The weather shifted from cloudy in the early afternoon to rainy to sunshine back to the threat of thunderstorms ended with a partially cloudy evening. The moon was half-covered by the cloud giving me the illusion of staring at a half-moon.

I stumbled upon a printed drawing. It was a blue giant crab with very interesting web-like patterns that reminds me of a dreamcatcher. At that moment, I thought I was dreaming, caught by the blue giant crab. Maybe I was dreaming. It was just me and the drawing. I could not help but to make a mental note of the composition. I traced my fingers through the crab a few times. It helps me to memorize. My zodiac is cancer. That further captivates me.

Titled as Under the Watchful Eyes of a Blue Giant Crab Love is in the Air. It is a simple composition with three elements. This drawing can be viewed upside down as well.

These days, I think of young people in love. That was this song of mine I kept on humming as I composed this drawing. I thought of a theme park. I love theme parks. It is not that my parent did not bring me to a theme park when I was young. It is the desire to see and experience the world like kids do.

Kids from the park, I wish to be
To possess a sense of innocence
To take back all that has taken from me
All the joy take a look at their faces

Song #139 – Kids from the Park

While this drawing only has three elements – the crab, the couple, and the roses – it took me more than eight hours to complete. This is by far the longest I have spent in drawing. I like the roses that spiral from the center of the drawing. I also like the fact that I can hang this drawing upside down shifting the focus from the crab to the couple.

When viewed upside down, the focus of the drawing shifted.

While I was drawing, my wife was watching watercolor videos on YouTube. I don’t paint in watercolor. But from what I have picked up – since we share the common space, she watching TV in the living room and I drawing in the dining area – watercolor painting is somewhat similar to oil painting. You can do wet-on-wet. And there is an allowance to correct mistakes as you paint. The type of drawing I do, though is monochrome, is less forgiving. And I have to be very certain of the order of layering. My wife has this desire to add colors to my drawings. Perhaps one day, I will give in. For now, I still prefer black and white.

Towards the end of the drawing session, I said to my wife, “Why spent so much time watching watercolor videos when you could spend the time drawing instead?” I mean, she has the watercolor equipment and papers. To that, she replied, “Action faking psychology”. I Googled and it says, “Action faking is all the stuff we do that makes us feel good about our progress without actually making any meaningful progress.”

Aha.

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Diary

Operate Within Your Constraints And I Guarantee You That You’ll Be Happy Today

I have learned this when I first picked up photography. It was a life lesson I wish I had sooner. It is different from ‘be contented and be happy‘. That is reactive. This is proactive.

Our life is defined by constraints. Operate within them, you’ll be happy. Operate outside them, you’d feel unfulfilled.

Take photography as an example. Every camera, every piece of equipment, no matter how good they are, there are limitations beyond which, it won’t do. The camera body dictates the image resolution (amongst other things). Your printed photos may look great up to a certain size, like A3. But they won’t look good if you are to enlarge it and cover part of a building. You may need a very good sensor. Or film camera to get that done.

Your lens may have an f-stop to enable you handheld, take a still picture at night, and still look good. But to have higher quality, you would need a tripod. At times, even a tripod won’t do such as photographing animals at night. That would be a combination of a camera body, an f-stop or even vibration reduction telephoto lens, and a monopod.

You may have a telephoto lens that allows you to take great animal pictures during daylight. But that lens won’t do if you want to take sports photos or cosmic pictures.

It is to know the limitation of the camera body and the lens and the external conditions in order to take great photographs. Photographs that you are happy with. Don’t take pictures that beyond what your equipment can do. And it is always about compromise or balancing between different constraints (e.g. lower the quality for sharpness). Actively pursuing that and working within the boundaries of your limitation creates great photographs. Everyone can take great photos with what we have, even with a phone. Try to take photos beyond what our equipment can do stops us from taking photos.

Similar to life, we have constraints and tradeoffs. We cannot have everything. Yes, we could ponder upon the what-ifs. But this is the moment. Today is the day. Time moves forward and we live for today. If we can proactively live our life within the limitations we have, making the best out of what we have – and if we can do that, I believe, is how happiness is attained.

First step is, know your constraints. Second step is, tradeoff wisely.

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Diary

Wounded Heart and the Incommunicado – A Doodle

I often joked with my younger friends and said, “Had I born into this era, my dating life would have been so different.” As in, with dating apps, I don’t think I would get married so early.

It’s a joke. As in, I am not born into this era.

But what if?

That would be a topic for another day. Meanwhile, I cannot help but think, heartbreaks in this era must suck way more than my era.

Titled as Wounded Heart and the Incommunicado

With instant messaging and all, I have no idea how people these days cope with heartbreaks. Say, you are trying to reach him or her. But you just can’t. Every message you receive throughout the day – which is a lot thanks to how connected we now are – would basically be a disappointment. Why isn’t the message come from him or her? And you can’t stop this thought whereby, the next message could be from him or her.

Back to this drawing, and I must say it once again. Drawing to me is therapeutic. It calms my mind. I like this particular one a lot. It took me close to four hours to conceptualize and complete the drawing, which is way longer than the previous ones. To complete this drawing on the same day (inspiration comes and goes), I had to rush to Art Friend and buy a set of replacement pens because mine went dry. I have also derived a special technical – unfortunately, you can’t see here – to ‘hang’ the objects onto a set of pre-determined frames. It was an experiment and I like how it turns out.

In the center, is a heart. Punctured by a spear and through it, the telephone coil is cut. Incommunicado at its most straightforward interpretation is one is unable to reach another on the phone. In this drawing, there is another meaning whereby the two could be separated (think life and death) and they just can’t talk to each other.

Layered on top of the heart are roses and thorns. So yes, there is a theme of love here (again, love in many forms). There is blood gushing out from the heart but what’s up there? Raindrops? Or tears? That’s for you to decide.

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Diary

MAGO and the Wild, Wild Ukulele – A Doodle

Today is a really happy day for me, to be rekindled with my passion … and music. Y wanted to get a Ukulele so that during her quarantine in Malaysia, she has something to do. I did not know anything about Ukulele. But it is a form of guitar, with chords albeit totally different from the guitar chords, these are chords that are meant to be strummed, or plucked.

I love music. I love musical instruments. And I always challenge myself to play an instrument different from what I am accustomed to.

Ukulele is different from classical guitar. First, Ukulele has 4 strings instead of 5. Second, the open chords are GCEA instead of EADGBE (Every Angry Dog Got a Bone to Eat) and hence, tuning is different. The chords are entirely different too. Third, the size. But regardless, Ukulele is still a string instrument. You play the chords and you strum.

Titled as MAGO and the Wild, Wild Ukulele

I did not know how to play the Ukulele. So I have done some research on the Internet and have decided to test a Ukulele with Jason Mraz’s I am Yours. The chords are pretty straightforward. Just C-G-Am-F. And the Ibanez Ukulele that has finally got my recommendation at Swee Lee has this warm tone (due to dark nylon strings and Mahogany wood) and full-body sound (due to its shape) that I have fallen in love with. It is an entry-level Ukulele for Y is a beginner. If I were to get one – since I am an experienced guitar player – I may give Martin C1K Concert Ukulele a try. I may even be tempted by the 2K Concert edition.

On a totally separate topic and is related to this doodle, my favorite K-pop girl group GFRIEND has recently released a new song called MAGO. This retro-style disco-dancing song could well be my favorite of all theirs thus far. The dance is not overwhelming, yet delivered with class.

If you have watched the MAGO video, add that to the Ukulele and the four chords, that is the doodle of the day folks.

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Diary

When Happiness & Sadness Collide (Alt. Title Bitter-sweet) – A Doodle

I want to articulate a person torn between happiness and sadness, in a cycle of one side feeding onto another. I thought of fish out of water. One time, I read about this on the Internet, or it could have been from a scientific magazine. Fish feel the pain too. When they are pulled out of the sea. Even for that brief moment. That gasp for water but it is air instead. It is like submerging a human’s head into the water, that gasp for air but it is water instead.

Titled as When Happiness & Sadness collide

So fish denotes the pain while the cats feed onto the fish and stay merry. A face with two sides. On the left, the sadness; on the right, the opposite (note: try covering each side and observe, it is rather fun). The stormy weather and the flood on the left versus the sunshine and life on the right. That contrast I want to bring, the polar opposite that co-exists. The ironic symbiosis between the two different emotions. The struggle and the torn so intense.

When I shared this drawing with N who is an artist in her own right, whose birthday is tomorrow, before I even explained the concept, her immediate response was, “Bitter-sweet”.

I think she got it.