Woke up late and went to lunch with So’s family. I saw HC So and he looked so old!
What else have I done today? Just some body building.
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Category: Diary
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Time Heals
The one week stay in Singapore passed so fast. I remember Sunday with Sam. Monday lunch with Damien’s usual group to go East Coast. Monday night with Annie – diner, drink and movie. Tuesday lunch with Francis and Edwin and we went to East Coast again. Tuesday night was supposed to be with Francis but he cancelled the dinner (as expected) and therefore I was so tempted to call JP out but Ginger dined with me instead. Wednesday lunch with Edwin again as I needed him to drive me all the way back to Masiling to collect my parcel. In return I have to give him a good treat. Wednesday night out with Sam and his friends. Thursday lunch with Colin (and Damien tugged along) at City Hall. Dinner with Annie as I needed to buy some BBQ pork slice and floss. Friday lunch with Benny as I have to return JP’s camera.
And I left the office at 3:30pm and headed all the way to Hong Kong.
So, I am in Hong Kong. Strangely I feel that I still like Singapore. How come? And I think of her lesser and lesser. Time heals indeed.
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Don’t Give Up?
Ah, how shall I begin this month.
Imprisonment? Face my own devil? Decision to make? Welcome the pain and endure the torture? Hell fire for all the sins I have committed? Regrets? Drastic change of reality?
“Don’t give up”, that is the song I have been long to listen to when I was in Paris. Funny that JP did not take this Peter Gabriel’s “So” CD. Was it all destinated?
Oh, Lord, I wish I am stronger. Strong enough to endure all the punishments. Strong enough to move on.
Went out with Annie tonight. Had a drink and showed her the photos. Had a dinner and gave her the present. Had a movie “The Saint” as well.
I just have to face it. Been thinking about whether I shall see her again. To see her, I will repeat what I have done wrongly during my fourth year. I will beg for her love again and how long can I stretch?
All the wrongs I have done cannot be undone. How can love turn so badly? Where has all our passion gone to?
It could have turned out the other way. It could have turned out so differently. It was my first love. Human bounds to make mistake especially when they are having their first go. Annie may be right. I need somebody who is independent, who will still be mine when I am far away. Wasn’t it JP’s idea not to see each other so often? But she never wanted to see me at the airport. Now, that is not love. THAT IS NOT LOVE!
I believe that I have done my part in trying to remedy the situation. Am I not a decent person? Am I really that ugly and unattractive to be fond of. Somebody please answer me.
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This, Is the End
End of May. End of the project. End of my stay in Paris. In this two days, I have realised something.
“Almost nothing lasts forever. But the end of something always marks the beginning of something else. For better or for worst? Who can tell? That is when optimism and pessimism come into the picture. How about neutralism? ” – Cycles, Me.
Today, My AC mates in BNP held a farewell party for me. Dining in a very nice restaurant. And we have 11 of us. Janice was there as well. Karin thinks that I am a gentleman but I told her that I am just trying to be.
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What Else Can I Do in Paris?
Server was down most of the day and really, I got really bored. Had a haircut. And watched the film “Absolute Power”. What else can I do in Paris?
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Tried
Spent the whole day in the office talking about sex Mohamed. Can’t believe it. What? Mohamed had sex with 2 Italians on a mountain? Hard to believe but may as well be true.
I am so tired. Watched the show “Powder” on Pay TV and it is oh so touching.
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Stripped, Shattered
I had nightmare again. Too many nightmare nowadays. Car crash, arrested by Chinese government, bullets in my legs, sick surgeon. I really can’t stand it.
The whole weekend alone. Mohamed didn’t call as promised. So lonely and my mind was set to JP again. What is love? What is hate? To love is to hate. To hate is to love. Do I still love her? But it is not love anymore if it is one-sided. So cruel of her to leave me alone here in Paris suffering the heartbreak. How can she? For we have been in love for four years. From time to time, I dream that she will be there when I return to Singapore. But why should I dream that for it has already been to late. Far too late for any remedy to take place. God doesn’t help me at all. Time heal? It isn’t true. Not true at all. I still feel the very pain even after 2 months.
I am yearning for everlasting true love.
Went to WH Smiths and bought the book “Hamlet”. Published by Oxford University Press of course. Watched the move “Michael Collin”. A tragedy. Too many tragedies nowadays. Had a Mexican meal in the cold. What else should I have done for my last weekend in Paris (this mission)?
I miss her so dearly. It is just not fair to the way it turns out. Why she dumped me? What’s wrong with me? And she is so happy. Yes, so happy without my presence. Shall I be happy for her for shall I be sad for myself. All my grief and sorrow and nothing can ever mend this broken heart of mine.
Life is so unfair. Life is so unpredictable. And she striped me down to nothing. Shatter my dreams, shatter my future, shatter all my hopes and leave me homeless in this foreign land, in Singapore. Striped away all the joy I was used to have.
Shall I welcome my next stage of life?
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In the End, Hamlet Died
Got up quite late and went to my favourite cinema and bought a ticket for the show “Hamlet”. Dashed to my favourite restaurant (Japanese) and they opened it earlier especially for me.
Arrived just on time for the show and got a really lousy seat. Anyway it wasn’t that bad. Knowing the show would last for four hours, I came well mentally prepared.
A very good show indeed. The third Shakespeare show. And why do they always want to produce a tragic piece? I have no idea. In the end, Hamlet died.
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I Hate Parting
They are going to organize a farewell party for me. How nice! On Monday, Michel, Noubi and Laurent will leave for Cairo and will not be seeing them in the near future. From time to time, I do feel quite emotional towards it.
I hate parting.
And towards the end of the night, Michel has invited me to dine with him and his wife in the same Chinese restaurant again. As I have nothing planned, it was really very nice of them. We played “Black Maria “ till 2 am. I lost the first game. And made three continuous mistake in the second game, hence lost. But it was really funny. Something like this. Merela first wanted to “take all” but I stopped her with a big sacrifice. Subsequently, she wanted to “take all” again and I managed to stop her. But the sad thing was I took the spade of queen by mistake. In the third try, I did not stop her but I could have done so.
But as for the last game, I won by mile! And Michel lost.
Really sad that I have to part with Merela and God knows when I will be seeing her again. Really sad.
Spent more than half a day in drafting the final status report. Feel a bit of void right now. You see, really void. I will miss my clients and the project itself.
And of course, I will miss Paris.
The Spanish food tonight was alright. A bit far away (beyond Chatelet). Funny that tonight during dinner time, I thought of JP again. Thought of how nice it would have been if she was with me right now. That idea sprang up when I was thinking of whether I should order some dessert afterwards. I don’t like dessert but I know she loves it. She would have love to have some dessert.
Oh, dear old history and so much in pain.
Watched the movie “Beautiful Girls” on pay TV. Very lovely show and make sure I’ll buy the DVD version later on when DVD gets popular – just like CD. And I was thinking if in the future, I can “record” some of the best scene and put it into one DVD. Just like the old days when you record some of your favourite and place them into one tape. Would have been nice.