One of the most common questions asked from my friends and acquaintances in parties, casual or business settings or one-on-one could well be, “do you have any regrets?”. Or “have you regretted doing or not doing this?”.
I don’t really.
Simply because my actions have been taken based on decisions I have made in the past. Now, you could question how sound the decisions were and the thinking process behind it. But regardless, I have learned and moved on.
Such mentality has also been reflected in how I play any given role-playing video game in contrast to how my buddy at work FG approaches his.
How role-playing game works is that you take on the persona of a virtual character, experience the virtual world, and continue making decisions that will affect how your character develops, very much like the real world.
FG would save the game before making a decision, continue playing that character for a little longer, and reload the game back to its previous state if he doesn’t think that he has made the most optimal decision. In real world lingo, FG turns back time at will and corrects his mistakes as the story unfolds. By doing that, he is more likely to end up with the most awesome character in that virtual world.
My approach is different. I seldom ‘turn back time’. My character would inherit all the good and bad decisions I have made and become a unique character with merits and flaws. Yes, life can be harder in this virtual world because more so than not, my character has to compensate for areas that he or she is not good at (thanks to me). But that creates a unique story, a unique narration that I can call my own.
Long story short, I very seldom regret in life.
Words are different. And I have been struggling with such contradiction from within. There are words that I truly wish to take back – be it as they are truth or lie or neither. Words were transmitted, which create a series of episodes in life that I may or may not be able to unwind; words that have to be fixed by more words to be said and more actions to be taken.
Then I am thinking, what is the difference between having little or no regret on decisions made in the past versus the words that I wish I could take back?
My first intuitive reply to myself would be, there is no difference. Hence, I do have regrets in life that I have blocked off and don’t want to talk about.
Or perhaps, the reason why I have little or no regret in life is that I have gotten over it. I may have felt bad during that period of time. But I no longer even bother wanting to change the things that I have done.
Upon pondering on this topic further, I believe there is a subtle difference here. For me (and I have to be specific as I can’t speak on behalf of everyone), when it comes to action, which goes beyond words, it is more often than not premeditated even under external influences. Words though can be heavily influenced by my mood or my current emotion. It could be the truth spoken or transmitted disregarding how the recipient would receive it (as in, not all truth are pleasant to the ears); on some occasion, it could be the lie born out of the circumstances (e.g. “Do you enjoy the food delivered to your home?” “Yes, it was delicious, thank you for sending it over”) or irrational as it seems, it could be words that are neither truth nor lie, just not meant to be said (e.g. “I wish you weren’t here” while in reality, I just don’t know).
In short, I need to think more before I speak or type.
Now, another way to look into this topic is that, why not treat it the same way as to how I approach a role-playing video game? As in, let the words be heard the way I have originally intended. Learn and move on. This exchange of words, which may have created some dramatic moments in life, may indeed be necessary. This is how people explore each other; this is how we understand each other and ourselves better; this could well be how the Universe has intended it to be.
