Recently, I have read a short story from Folklore written by Italo Calvino. It is called The Tale of Cats. Long story short, a girl has discovered a cauliflower once lifted, there was a ladder leading to a world of cats. She went down, helped the cats, and was rewarded with a delicious dinner, a nice dress, and a ring.
When the stepmother heard of the girl’s story, she sent her daughter to the world of cats. Instead of working as the girl did, the daughter did nothing and didn’t get the same reward at all.
The ending was rather abrupt. Both the stepmother and her daughter died and the girl has found a nice man, a happily ever after.
Titled as “The Tale of Cats”
That story has inspired me to draw. There is cauliflower, the ladder, the cats, and the couple. I am thinking of using a Japanese theme. Hence, the Sake, inari sushi with prawn and avocado, salmon dumplings, and saba fish.
Looking at this drawing makes me happy. It brings back fond memories. It is good to be with someone you want to be with. I am happy for the girl.
My guitarist Jason and I agree on many things and equally disagree on many things. For instance, he thinks we – our old band – should only publish music when we are totally ready. The recording has to be close to perfection. So we kept on practicing until the band went into hiatus. And we have published nothing.
Jason is not wrong to think of the long term goal. But how does it matter when we don’t even give it a shot and see how it goes? So recently, I have published two songs I have written in 2020 on YouTube. They are My Princess and Waiting (the latter should be renamed to Waiting 2020 because I have written a song with the same title back in 2000). The recording is far from perfect. But rather than to concern about a future that I don’t even know what it will be, I am living in the moment. In fact, I am pretty happy that I have done that and keen to see where this will go, even if it is going nowhere. There may not have a future. But all I have is now.
Jason and I do agree that recording music professionally is a painful process. We both prefer live jamming. Because when a song is being recorded with the intent to publish, it is made permanent. You have to get each track right and it can restrictive. Live jamming though, is a different experience.
You get to go with the flow relying on the chemistry of the musicians. You can break all the rules. That guitar solo is supposed to be 8 bars? Why not extend it on the fly and see how it goes? I would be feeding Jason with the chords and different strumming patterns that got intensified as the guitar solo soared. We did not have to preset the duration. We just go with the feel. Jason would go all high on his guitar solo. I would strum my guitar and at times, do vocal ad-lib. We improvised. We fed onto each other’s energy. We did not know where the song would be heading. But each live jamming was a unique experience.
Truth be told, we did record our live jamming and the majority are not that good (best for private consumption). But occasionally, there is some really good music created in the most unexpected way.
I would describe that to be our magical moment, made possible when we break all the rules, improvise, go with the flow, and live in the moment.
M and I are from the same division. He belongs to a program that I am spending half of my time with. And since I am not full time with that program, I am often seen as an affiliate instead. I don’t have a lot of allies in that program. M is a good friend of mine.
One day, M visited my neighborhood and we had lunch at a bakery. He is moving onto another role in our organization and with that comes a promotion. I like the Caucasian mindset. I also like reporting to Caucasians. When it comes to ranks and promotion, the sky is the limit. Reporting to Chinese bosses, the message often would be: be contented with what you have. Indian bosses, the vast majority won’t give a beep about my career. Speaking from someone who has reported to sixteen different bosses in a span of fourteen-ish years in this organization. Though one may say, the time has changed as the world is moving towards better diversity and inclusiveness.
Back to that lunch we had, which was on a Thursday as both of us have to attend a weekly meeting together, M suggested to have a wine event on the 17th with K at his home. The date was perfect as it was the first evening of my 2-week long compliance leave.
It was a 10 mins ride to reach his place. I was late and his friend G working in the fund business was already there. What a posh home! There were paintings from – quoting from him – famous artists and there is one small elephant painting M drew when he was 12. He showed me the cases of silverware he brought from the UK dated back to the 1940s. Those are beautiful. Black handles with small colorful adornment, casually lying on top of each other. “Why not arrange them nicely?”, asked I. M replied that they got reshuffled due to transportation. Still, I would have put each fork and spoon, and utensil in the rightful place. These are antiques! I had the compulsion to do it for him. But I have resisted.
M said that he doesn’t like French people. G agreed. I didn’t say a thing. I used to have a number of French friends when I was working in Paris. Sure, French people, in general, do seem to have their pride and perhaps still wonder why the world adopts English as the international language (I was once told by a French that the world was close to choosing French instead). I can see from the French’s perspective. Especially when their culture is so refined. Fashion. Food. Wine. Art and monuments. In any case, given the history of the British and the French, I can understand the general sentiment.
Later the evening, when I sensed that the topic of the French M and G so passionately deliberated has fainted away, I casually mentioned that I like the sound quality and the design of the “transformer” speaker. A high-end French product sold in MBS mall. To that M was very pleased with his purchase. The speaker can get loud, really loud as he briefly demonstrated.
I am often not a fan of red wine. Last evening changed my mind. We started with a 1.5 liter of Sao Joao’s Quinta do Poco do Lobo Cabernet Sauvignon 1996. It is24 years old Portugal wine. The age doesn’t make a good wine of course. It depends on the year of the grape. But to have a wine that is still drinkable after such a long period of storage is pretty remarkable. The cock was waxed and the bottle was huge.
Next, we had Artadi’s Pasos de San Martin Garnacha 2015. It was a Spanish wine and I really love that. Then we had Faiveley’s Mercurey Rouge 2017. It was even better! By the time we got to the fourth one, I was about to fall asleep. I didn’t have much, though I remember it as sweet and nice.
Yes, I am terrible in describing wine.
I am not a fan of a large group gathering. My ideal group size is two. Three is okay. By the time K arrived, I got slightly quieter. F then arrived – a great storyteller by the way and also a good friend of mine from that program. The party lit up. I was mainly the observer and spoke when we broke into a smaller group chat. Finally, when G’s friend who is a young teen student (possibly rich Indonesian Chinese) arrived, everyone was animated and liven. By then, I was the audience enjoying the entertainment and the wine.
Throughout the evening, many stories were shared. Stories that I can imagine some may balk at because it is not right. I don’t judge for I am a pragmatic person. The moral compass is a thing that people use to judge others or fear being judged. “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone” is one of my favorite quotes. Throughout the night, I listened with bewilderment. These people have experienced lives in a unique way and they have stories to tell.
“You are quiet”, K asked. I wanted to chip in. But my stories are much darker, more emotional, and personal, which did not suit the theme of physical conquest. Like my friend N once said to me, while I have an alpha male mentality deep inside, I am gentle from the outside.
Previously, I have attempted to write short pieces (and there is a part three). And they are rather well received. So I am attempting to have a second round, with ten additional pieces. Enjoy.
PS. I would like to dedicate this post to those who share their stories and inspire me to write.
Today I am done running I shall face my witness, my judge, and my executioner I shall accept, come what may
Today you are my witness, my judge, and my executioner”
“Come What May” by Wilfrid Wong
What does falling in love feel like? It is that sense of insecurity and reassurance, of anxiety and peace, of irrationality and determination, and of sorrow and joy
If you experience all of the above, hold onto it, treasure those feelings
That is the most beautiful thing you have ever experienced in life”
“Love is a Rollercoaster” By Wilfrid Wong
At times you are passionate Other times you seem cold and distance I am a slower learner Given time I can read you better And finish up this manual of you Please be patience That is all that I am asking”
“How To” by Wilfrid Wong
There are words that I shouldn’t have said But I said it recklessly anyway There are words that you shouldn’t have said But I took it quietly anyway”
“Words” by Wilfrid Wong
Life can be full of surprises Some you like Others you don’t You can’t pick what you like and what you don’t But with an open heart, an open mind, and open arms You can welcome life for what it bestows upon you Be surprised”
“Surprises” by Wilfrid Wong
I have learned that each day I shall fight for what matters most I have learned that life can be as unpredictable as the weather I have learned to follow my heart and my passion I have learned that I shall not take people and things for granted
To fight and to earn for what matters most And never take that for granted”
“No, I Won’t” by Wilfrid Wong
The anticipation is killing me The tens and hundreds of different scenarios I hope at least one of these scenarios will lead to a happy ending That is all that I am asking for”
“21:40” by Wilfrid Wong
Fate is catching up with me I reach out but all I see is dark space I would hold onto even a faint ray of light and hope Having said that I would accept Or would I?”
“Acceptance” by Wilfrid Wong
Communion Hug Kisses Holding hands Sharing moments together Love is a feeling and can only be made tangible with a physical connection”
“Getting Physical” by Wilfrid Wong
Life is beautiful Having friends who care for you is beautiful Having someone who loves you as much as you do is beautiful
Passion is beautiful Having something you do that you care is beautiful Having a reciprocated passion is beautiful
But alas, beauty can be fragile and as short-lived as a butterfly When you spot beauty, admire but not contain Let beauty has her freedom Live one day at a time”
By definition, the word melancholy as I have discovered today means to reflect deep sad thought with no obvious reason, which is not far from how I have interpreted it and how I have experienced it.
I enjoy spending time with people. But I also enjoy spending time alone observing, self-reflecting, and going through the process of art creation such as music, drawing, photography, and writing.
Ever since I bought a set of outdoor table and chairs, my balcony has become my favorite place in my home. I would bring my Sonos speaker out, fill up a glass of wine, and think.
Titled as “The Melancholy Me But Why”. It took me 8 hours to sketch and draw. The composition is straightforward with me drinking wine at the balcony.
I would go through the day, pick up the memorable bits – happy or sad – and run it through my head again and again. The process is no different from video editing. 12 hours may have passed and the day gets fragmented and stitched into a short video clip distorted with feeling and emotion amplified and the what-if and could have been.
I have been told that I am a melancholy person (perhaps that’s why I know what it is while not knowing exactly what it means). And I believe that at times, others know me better than I know myself. It is like a lens that I wear that prompts me to see the world in a veil of temporary sadness.
But why? I seriously don’t know.
It could be a self-balancing act. During the day, I tend to see the world in a good light, blocking off negative thoughts and observations. But this internal mechanism needs a recharge. When I am alone, I would need to come face to face with the suppressed emotion or thought. Not in its entirety. At least the significant bits.
Now, imagine, what if I had a terrible day? I would simply crash when I am alone. Until my internal mechanism of self-balancing gets recharged and kicked in.
This drawing can be viewed upside down as well, as I rest myself on the table.
There are happy days of course. A healthy salad bowl for lunch. Fresh paint. A nap that I wish I had (as I stayed late last night drawing this). The sound of the construction nearby. Anticipation and joy. A new pair of glasses. Sumptuous vegetarian meal. Christmas coming and people shopping for gifts. Smile. Laugher. More smile and laughter.
Even on a happy day like today, as I sit at the balcony listening to Lucia’s Without You playing through my Sonos speaker, overseeing the night view of the Singapore skyline, hearing the sound of the raindrop, and feeling the gentle night breeze, I can’t stop but think, what if today fades away and gets buried deep inside my memory that I can no longer retrieve in the far future?
Melancholy, a feeling of pensive sadness, tropically with no obvious cause.
What a wonderful day and a beautiful night. I shall end this post with a positive note.
Modern-day photography and videography capture a snippet of life. The reality in its entirety often leaves little for our imagination. Call me old school. I still prefer words and drawings. Such artwork too captures a snippet of life yet leaves much for the imagination. An alternative reality within the realm of actuality. A private interpretation of the hidden messages forever imprints onto the likeminded ones. Book clubs. Painting appreciation. Call me old school. I have my preference.
A cubism doodle titled “Home-cooked food”
Covid-19 has changed the way we live and the way we socialize. Many friends of mine now cook at home. We were used to catching up during lunch. Now, during dinner. As for me, I prefer healthy home-cooked food to outside food. I know what goes into the cooking. I know how the food is being handled.
Onto this particular drawing, I further explore the construct of cubism, or rather my interpretation of cubism. My third attempt and it took me a lot longer to draw than most of my previous ones. I love Coste di Moro – Montepulciano d’Abruzzo – an Italian red wine. And I would imagine, that bottle of wine would have been moved around. From the kitchen counter to the dining table. To various positions as it is poured onto the glasses.
I love salad these days. I think of avocado. Capsicum. Quinoa. Chicken breast. Salmon. Potato. Lettuce. Pickled onion.
An alternative reality. A parallel universe. A drawing that is no less than a photograph or a video clip.
One of the most common questions asked from my friends and acquaintances in parties, casual or business settings or one-on-one could well be, “do you have any regrets?”. Or “have you regretted doing or not doing this?”.
I don’t really.
Simply because my actions have been taken based on decisions I have made in the past. Now, you could question how sound the decisions were and the thinking process behind it. But regardless, I have learned and moved on.
Such mentality has also been reflected in how I play any given role-playing video game in contrast to how my buddy at work FG approaches his.
How role-playing game works is that you take on the persona of a virtual character, experience the virtual world, and continue making decisions that will affect how your character develops, very much like the real world.
FG would save the game before making a decision, continue playing that character for a little longer, and reload the game back to its previous state if he doesn’t think that he has made the most optimal decision. In real world lingo, FG turns back time at will and corrects his mistakes as the story unfolds. By doing that, he is more likely to end up with the most awesome character in that virtual world.
My approach is different. I seldom ‘turn back time’. My character would inherit all the good and bad decisions I have made and become a unique character with merits and flaws. Yes, life can be harder in this virtual world because more so than not, my character has to compensate for areas that he or she is not good at (thanks to me). But that creates a unique story, a unique narration that I can call my own.
Long story short, I very seldom regret in life.
Words are different. And I have been struggling with such contradiction from within. There are words that I truly wish to take back – be it as they are truth or lie or neither. Words were transmitted, which create a series of episodes in life that I may or may not be able to unwind; words that have to be fixed by more words to be said and more actions to be taken.
Then I am thinking, what is the difference between having little or no regret on decisions made in the past versus the words that I wish I could take back?
My first intuitive reply to myself would be, there is no difference. Hence, I do have regrets in life that I have blocked off and don’t want to talk about.
Or perhaps, the reason why I have little or no regret in life is that I have gotten over it. I may have felt bad during that period of time. But I no longer even bother wanting to change the things that I have done.
Upon pondering on this topic further, I believe there is a subtle difference here. For me (and I have to be specific as I can’t speak on behalf of everyone), when it comes to action, which goes beyond words, it is more often than not premeditated even under external influences. Words though can be heavily influenced by my mood or my current emotion. It could be the truth spoken or transmitted disregarding how the recipient would receive it (as in, not all truth are pleasant to the ears); on some occasion, it could be the lie born out of the circumstances (e.g. “Do you enjoy the food delivered to your home?” “Yes, it was delicious, thank you for sending it over”) or irrational as it seems, it could be words that are neither truth nor lie, just not meant to be said (e.g. “I wish you weren’t here” while in reality, I just don’t know).
In short, I need to think more before I speak or type.
Now, another way to look into this topic is that, why not treat it the same way as to how I approach a role-playing video game? As in, let the words be heard the way I have originally intended. Learn and move on. This exchange of words, which may have created some dramatic moments in life, may indeed be necessary. This is how people explore each other; this is how we understand each other and ourselves better; this could well be how the Universe has intended it to be.
I remember Freddy. He was a fellow Hongkonger whom I have met back in my university days. It was his first year in the UK, still imbued with Hong Kong culture. While for me, I had been soaked in Western culture for two years ahead of him. Hanging out with him was an interesting experience. He reminded me of myself when I first arrived in the UK and faced a foreign culture. Though I must say, I embraced Western culture more readily than he did.
It is hard to say if I was really into Freddy. We got along well, in the sense that I was and still am an adaptable person. He was a scholar and I wasn’t (though after four years, we both graduated as first-class honor). Very smart. Those who didn’t know him may find him arrogant. I just recognized the fact that he saw this world in a very different way compared to the rest of us. We had common hobbies and interests. Or rather, I have learned to develop common hobbies and interests with new friends. That is what I do.
Titled “Escargots & Snails”
Freddy introduced me to Pink Floyd, for which I am eternally grateful. Pink Floyd has inspired my music creation journey. We would talk about Shine On You Crazy Diamond night after night and would listen to it non-stop. Pink Floyd was our thing. I would head to the gigantic Blackmores bookstore in Oxford to read their biography. I would browse the magazines at WH Smiths to read their latest news. In fact, I have attended Pink Floyd‘s live concert PLUSE in the UK. That could well be their last gig in a ‘full band’ setting.
Freddy has also introduced me to escargots. I vividly remembered the expression he gave when he described the dish … it was so delicious, so out of the world. Eyes rolled back, all white. Fingers near his mouth, breathing in deep.
Initially, I found the idea rather repulsive. I could not imagine myself eating snails, no matter how starved I am. Then, I have done some research. These are not regular snails. These are farmed snails. Very much like frogs, I guess. I ate frogs when I was in Hong Kong. Frogs taste like chicken, in case you are curious. They really do.
I cannot recall when was the first time I have eaten escargots or whom I was with. What I do recall though is that when I was in a business trip working in Paris, one of my favorite starter dishes would be escargots. Either that or the live oysters.
If I am asked to describe escargots, I would not have done that Freddy impression. What I would say is that with the melted butter, the herbs, and the unique chewy texture, escargots really go well with bread.
One French friend told me that the escargot meat doesn’t belong to the shell it comes from. The farms supply the meat without shells. And the restaurants reuse the shells. I do not know how true it is. He or she might have pulled my legs.
Fast forward to yesterday, Y had dinner. Instead of oysters, she had escargots the first time (both are my favorites). I don’t think she was thrilled. But, that has triggered all sorts of memories, Freddy and my Paris business trip. At the National Gallery of Singapore and in one of the exhibitions, there were framed photos of snails placed on top of sand and dirt on the floor. That also triggered my recent memory, when I walked back home and in my condo and especially on a rainy day, I often saw snails crossing the path. I would carefully pick them up and put them onto the grassland knowing very well that they are in fact pests. I hardly see snails in my condo these days. The management office must have done a good job of exterminating them.
I have always been intrigued by Cubism artworks. I could admire them for hours in a museum. Lately, an unspeakable emotion from within has ignited my passion to venture into art forms that are different from my own, yet enabling me to apply my personal techniques. I wanted to draw an ox. This is the outcome.
Titled “Ox”
Those who know Cubism (and disclaimer here – I am still learning) would know that interpreting one is not straightforward. Each of such artwork captures a combination of the following: the movement of the objects, their different viewing angles, and the temporal aspect.
Centered to this drawing is a ox viewed sideway (see illustration below). You can also see it turns its head towards you. Or lower its head to graze the grass. Or simply move around.
The challenge of completing this drawing is that, according to Cubism (and I hope I am getting that right), I would need to shade or color the ‘cubes’ in a certain way. Since I can neither shade nor color my drawing, I have to use patterns, while preserving the unique way of how I draw. This is my first attempt. In time, I will get better.
As a side note, I am using a different type of paper more for marker drawing. It has a very smooth coating, doesn’t absorb as much ink as the papers I use previously, and more importantly, the ink doesn’t feather. It does have its cons such as using eraser would leave a very faint visible mark on the paper when viewed at a certain angle. And the ink doesn’t appear as even at certain spots. Meanwhile, I am still undecided on the type of varnish to use – gloss versus matt.
Recently I read a book written by r.h. Sin. It is a book full of short pieces (poems?) and is a perfect book for the broken-hearted. I am so inspired that I want to try out writing short pieces (can’t call mine poems as yet, can I?). Here we go. Eight pieces in total.
If you love someone Let her know today Don’t wait For tomorrow is not a given
If she upsets you Forgive her today Don’t wait For tomorrow may not come
If you are happy or sad today Remember every detail Don’t waste the only opportunity you have Today
“Today” by Wilfrid Wong
Commit all that you see Commit all that you feel Commit all that you experience Commit all that you love … to memory
For we come to today with nothing And we will leave today taking nothing … but memory
“Memory” by Wilfrid Wong
Do you feel the obsession? Are you addicted to that one feeling that you can’t live without?
Good Because you are alive
Live it
“Feeling Alive” by Wilfrid Wong
When I listened to you I did not judge But when it was your turn You did not live up to my expectation
“Expectation” by Wilfrid Wong
What is that one thing that you can live with and live without? When you find it My congratulations You have found love
“With or Without You” by Wilfrid Wong
Every second presents a thousand a million possibilities You could sit back and observe Or you could start to take action In the end there is no right or wrong path It is that one step you have decided to take That leads to another set of thousands and millions of possibilities
“The Universe” by Wilfrid Wong
My body you have My heart you own My soul you possess I am truly yours
“Body, Heart & Soul” by Wilfrid Wong
I listen to the Korean OST playlist I feel the peace and the serenity within me I remember each moment The storytelling and the afterward
I feel as though I could go back in time Like many of the Korean dramas To relive each moment I am the storyteller and you are my only audience
