Wind Powered Decorative Door Damper (Alternative Title: A Week Moving In Jelly)

“This is my patent pending invention!”

Recently, the inanimated objects around me seem to have taken an unanimous decision to stop working.  I felt like moving inside a huge swimming pool filled with grass jelly.  Maybe I am too lazy, quietly observing the hole on my sofa growing bigger and bigger.  More holes have appeared.  What shall I do now?  And then there was this overhead light bulb in my bathroom that had turned into disco mode.  I took it out, left the socket empty like my wisdom tooth that was once there thinking that I did not have a spare one.  I actually do, inside one of the kitchen drawers.  One of my electricity wall socket is malfunction.  The switch does not stick.  I bought a replacement unit.  But I am still trying to find the courage to replace it myself.  I suppose I simply need to switch off the main power, disconnect three wires and reconnect them into the new unit.  I even visualize myself doing it with plastic slippers and plastic gloves on.  I have also bought a screwdriver that lights up if there is an electric current.

My 10 years old audio amplifier finally gave in.  For a long time, one channel would suddenly die and reappear when we temporarily pumped up the volume to a deafening level.  The symptom would appear again depending on the temperament of my old amplifier.  I would imagine our suffering – the amplifier and I – is mutual.  I was squeezing every ounce of life from it and it was testing every ounce of my patience.  One fine day, I have decided to put an end to this by forking out close to S$1,000 of hard earned cash.  The newer model looks very much like its elder sibling.  Less powerful on paper, slimmer, and is working every time we switch it on.

My watch has run out of battery.  Now, this is not news worthy, certainly.  But did you know that it is best to take your watch for a battery replacement at the agent?  I did not know.  One day, I walked into a new watch shop inside a new mall near my office that is a stone’s throw away from the airport.  The sales assistant was professional enough to inform me that I should bring my watch back to the agent so as to get the seal’s rubber changed as well.  Or I could go ahead to have the battery replaced at her shop but risk forgoing the water resistance guarantee.  There and then, I remember some of my old watches with their faces filled with water droplets from the inside whenever we entered into a raining season.  Is that so?  And so, this weekend, Cynthia and I deliberately drove to the agent shop at Raffle City only to be told that we have to visit a service center instead.  Because the service center only opens in town during office hours, I would imagine that I will have to go without a watch for quite some time.

The mother of all disasters as of last week besides Cynthia’s ear infection that I will get into shortly is the epic failure of our water heater.  My plumber and I were debating on the age of my dead heater after we took it down.  We disagreed but agreed that its age falls somewhere between 17 to 22 years of age.  My plumber was shocked that my heater could last that long.  I was shocked that a heater could not last longer.  Five years he said, is the life expectancy of an electric water storage these days.

One evening, I was extremely hungry.  So I turned on the electric oven wanting to heat up a frozen pizza.  Shortly after, the electric circuit of our home tripped.  Strange.  We had a problem with our oven a few years back and had its internal circuit changed.  I flipped the main switch back on and in a few seconds, it tripped again.  I switched off the electric appliances one by one and after some simple diagnosis, it was our water heater that failed.  Bumper.  Singapore can be quite chilly nowadays as it rains almost daily.  That night I had a rather cold shower.

The next morning, I opened up the false ceiling access area, noted down the make and capacity of the heater and determined to replace it with the same model.  On the same day, I drove down to a shop inside Singapore Red Light District, got terribly lost, and managed to procure one.  I loaded the new heater into my car and lugged it all the way home.  Day one, the plumbers arrived late and could not start work.  Day two, we dissected the dead heater out from the myriad of water pipes hidden above.  That operation resembled an open heart surgery.  I looked at the state of my dead heater, with its electric components exposed and covered in rust.  No wonder it died.  Once we took it down, horror descended upon us.  The new model was one and a half inches taller than the old model.  It could not be fitted into our false ceiling. I lugged the new heater back to Singapore Red Light District, paid extra to replace one that fits.  Day three, the plumber had hinted to come but he did not.  Day four, the plumber came and installed the water heater.  Those four days of cold shower nearly got me sick.  I hate showering with cold water at night, and ice cold water in the morning.

Round about the same time, Cynthia was suffering from an ear infection.  The problem with Cynthia is that she is not that good at articulating her pain.  I was not that worried until much later.  She saw a doctor four times and was finally referred to a specialist.  I was there to help her articulate the pain, giving her some moral support.  The consultation went well.  But it took us a long time to procure the medicine because it was nowhere to be found.  Looking at this week of moving in jelly, I was the least surprised.

Since I was working from home, I also called in someone to service our gas stove.  One burner eventually failed and for some time, we were cooking with a single burner.  It was challenging and required lots of planning.  When the technician opened up the stove, I was amazed at the beautiful network of gas and electric pipes hidden underneath the stove.  It was like a science project, some sort of experimental invention.  The technician took out a spinner, tighten one bolt and viola, the burner is working!  That cost me S$60.  As an bonus though, he cleared the pipes for all the burners.  There must have been some gas leakage during the process.  I felt a bit giddy standing next to this old man who has done this for years.  We talked.  When the servicing was completed, after I was S$60 poorer, all my burners now ignite with new found rage.

We live on a rather high floor, unblocked and our home faces the reservoir.  When the wind blows from our door and out from the windows, the wind can be strong enough to hold the door ajar.    And when the wind blows from our windows and out from the main door, the wind can be strong enough to slam the door hard.  Recently, due to a lack of imagination, we hang one tiny teddy bear at the door (as seen in the picture on top of this post).  Yesterday, I realized that when the wind blows, it moves the teddy bear dangerously towards the door gap.  And when the door slams, it slams right onto the teddy bear and produces a low thump sound instead of a loud bang.  This teddy bear turns out to be the cheapest door damper I can find in town.