The so-called vivid story told by today’s newspaper is neither in-depth nor entertaining. I was expecting a Hollywood script like this. Enjoy! Rated M18 for strong language, blood and gore.
1. EXT. DETENTION CENTER, SINGAPORE – NIGHT (4am)
(Writer’s note: Who wants to watch a fugitive film that happens at four in the afternoon?)
An unidentified truck pulls in front of the entrance of the detention center. Two armed militias emerge spraying bullets at all living beings including a stray cat nearby. Blood is everywhere.
MILITIA #1
Kekeke.
MILITIA #2 looks amused and takes out a walkie talkie.
MILITIA #2
Ahem.
(a beat)
Guardhouse secured.
2. INT. TOILET – NIGHT
As the head of the Singapore branch of the militant group Jemaah Islamiah MAS SELAMAT pees at the toilet bowl looking at an opened window right above him, we REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL:
Another two armed militias just a wall away from MAS. MILITIA #4 is holding a walkie talkie that has lots of static noise.
3. EXT. OUTSIDE CHANGING ROOM – NIGHT
MILITIA #3
I heard the gunshots. Where is our green light?!
MILITIA #4
(anxiously shaking his walkie talkie)
I think this thing is not working, boss.
MILITIA #3
(hesitated)
Hmmm … let’s do it!
MILITIA #4 takes out a slab of C-4, pastes them onto the wall, and whispers loudly at the opened window …
MILITIA #4
Jangan berdiri dekat jendela!
MILITIA #3
(puzzled)
What the heck is that?
MILITIA #4
Kekeke. It means ‘back away from the window’ in Bahasa Indonesia, boss. Now, back away from the wall!
As they back away from the wall …
MILITIA #3
For fudge’s sake, MAS SELAMAT is a Singaporean. He knows English!
REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: MAS is still peeing oblivious to all that happens outside the changing room.
4. INT. TOILET – NIGHT
Ka-boom! A loud explosion. A huge fireball. The wall blows apart. Dust everywhere. The armed militias enters the cell. REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: MAS lies on the floor covered in blood.
MILITIA #3
You fudging moron! Look what you’ve done! You have bloody killed MAS SELAMAT!
MILITIA #4
What the fudge?! I told him to stand back!
(a beat)
What shall we do now, boss?
MILITIA #3 grabs the walkie talkie from MILITIA #4 and says …
MILITIA #3
Abort mission! Abort! Can you hear me?!
Static noise from the walkie talkie is getting louder and louder and we REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: MAS’s blood stained body twitches. His fingers start to move.
CAPTION #1: “IT IS KNOWN THAT EXTREME SITUATION MAY INVOKE A SUDDEN LEAP OF EVOLUTION.”
5. EXT. HIGHWAY (P I E) – NIGHT (4.11am)
The four armed militias together with blood stained MAS SELAMAT inside the truck entering the PIE highway. MAS does not seem injured.
MILITIA #4
Oh crap! We must leave the highway now!
MILITIA #3
What now?!
MILITIA #4
I forgot to top up my Cashcard.
MILITIA #3
For fudge’s sake, you moron! The ERP gantries won’t be operational in another 3 hours! Now drive! The plane should fly by us any time from now.
As everyone look up at the sky, our CAMERA slowly points up, spots a plane far away, and moves back to the crowd inside the truck …
MILITIA #3
MAS, it is time now. You must leave Singapore alive.
MAS
How about you all?
MILITIA #1
We do what terrorists always do. Kekeke. Blown up into pieces.
MILITIA #4
Ya … 99 virgins in heaven! Kekeke.
MILITIA #2
Kekeke. Oh please … it is 70!
MILITIA #3
You guys are morons. For fudge’s sake.
6. EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
MAS SELAMAT gets on top of the truck, grabs the plane’s landing gear and flies off into the sky. The CAMERA follows the plane looking back at the truck. The truck gets smaller and smaller and then ka-boom! A tiny fireball.
7. INT. COCKPIT – NIGHT
Inside the cockpit, MAS SELAMAT and PILOT engages in a deep conversation. The CAMERA moves away from MAS and PILOT and points at the view outside the window. 2 F-14 Tomcat fighter planes are at their tail.
PILOT
MAS, you have to jump off the plane now! They are going to shoot us down.
MAS
But I will die!
PILOT
MAS, if you can survive C-4 while peeing, you can surely survive this fall! You are a super villain now!
MAS
How about you?
PILOT smiles as MAS looks back while jumping off the plane. The CAMERA follows MAS as he falls looking back at the plane. The plane gets smaller and smaller and then ka-boom! A tiny fireball.
Wind noise is getting louder and louder and we REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: Super villain MAS opens a portal right underneath of him and he disappears as he drops into the portal.
CAPTION #2: “AFTER CLOSE TO 2 MONTHS OF MANHUNT IN SINGAPORE, MAS SELAMAT IS STILL NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.”
CAPTION #3: “NO ONE KNOWS WHERE HE IS.”
CAPTION #4: “A FEW SMALL FRIES FROM THE CENTER RECEIVE DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS.”
CAPTION #5: “MINISTER FOR HOME AFFAIRS, WONG KAN SENG’S HEAD DOES NOT ROLL.”
CAPTION #6: “WILFRID WONG LOST A $2 BET WITH HIS FRIEND TK. TK IS RIGHT. WONG KAN SENG IS GOING TO FIRE EVERYONE FROM GROUND UP … TO ONE OR FEW LEVELS BELOW HIM.”
End.
24 replies on “Movie Script: Where In The World Is Mas Selamat?”
Ha ha, I truly enjoyed it!
Loved your caption #6. Welcome to Singapore!
Sing Chyun – Thanks for your kind words. I am actually quite nervous publishing this entry. I have not done a movie script style at all and I don’t usually have any political views here. Hope I haven’t offended any one.
too late this entry has been tracked and monitored for MHA.
PS: thanks for the $2
Damnit! I could have won $2 too! And I think you meant “A few small fries at the centre…”, not those pesky flying things right?
Kiat – I hope you are wrong this time! If the MHA comes after me, I will tell them that you are my accomplice!
PS. Luckily I didn’t bet away the entire content of my wallet, which I was about to.
Darkspore – My English is really bad … ha ha ha. Thanks for pointing out. I need a real editor for my webbie.
While you are in Indonesia, let’s bet who the next President will be. Is it (a) current President SBY, or (b) 5th President Megawati, or (c) 4th President Gus Dur, or (d) someone else? It’s going to be like a Survivor All Stars in this coming election!
My $2 is on President SBY.
Hey hey, this is so inspiring! Hearing all the dry, uninteresting explanations by the government was already excruciating, not to mention the amusing, brainless speculations from the opposition parties!
Ghim Seng – Hi! Good to see you again! I was thinking if we can inject humor into the situation, we can put the matter behind and move on.
Besides, I am sure whatever views I have have already been packaged and re-packaged a hundred million times.
Et tu Wilfrid!? Alamak, you also jumped on the bandwagon to ridicule the leaders.
So much of speculations… Mas Selamat is the happiest man in Singapore! hehe…
[…] Even my good friend Wilfrid has decided to flaunt his scriptwriting skills with a hilarious movie script here: Where In The World Is Mas Selamat? […]
ECL – Aiyo, I thought my script is quite factual … at least the ending captions. Hmmm … ridicule the leaders. Good idea. Perhaps I shall do a sequel to this mini-movie. I seriously think I am not even close to ridiculing them. Ha ha ha. The terrorists, maybe.
You are right. Mas Selamat is the most wanted man in Singapore 🙂
Hahhahhaa…..If Mas Selamat watches the TVB HK drama(the turning-on the tap to drown the noise of wat’s happening in the toilet really minds me of HK drama/movie), I think he watches Hollywood too! I think he was waiting for the pilot to say something like “You jump I jump” …”You die I die”
PILOT
MAS, you have to jump off the plane now! They are going to shoot us down.
MAS (hoping for pilot to say “You jump I jump”)
But I will die!
Tigerfish – Ha ha ha … You jump I jump! Maybe I shall change the sex of the pilot and have a romance story out of it.
The turning on tap and landed himself on top of a pile of toilet papers to cushion the fall is really funny. Of course it is not funny because that actually happened. I couldn’t work that into the story. No one would believe, right?
Irony …
Has this post made the blog aggregators?
I should think that it will be very popular. Heheh.
CSC – Between me and you, my more popular posts are on the movie, book, and CD reviews coming from the search engines. And perhaps some others (like the Mount K). As for the rest, nah, they are not that popular at all … ha ha ha.
Thanks for dropping by though.
That is weird indeed. You know, I had thought that parodies on the local political scene would be more popular with the local aggregators. Heh. Still, I am surprised. I guess it is only if you are noticed by them in the first place.
CSC – Maybe I am just not very good at the local aggregator thingies … ha ha ha.
Hahaha, I always find something interesting to read here. And this time round, its funny! I could visualise how the cameras are shooting the scene,
The CAMERA follows MAS as he falls looking back at the plane.
Good one!
Selrol – Good to see you drop by and happy that you enjoy this. I think I shall try out to be a movie scriptwriter or something since I spend so much time watching movies. Besides, I have such a fun time writing this blog entry. Hopefully with more practice, I will get better.
Great! And if you need some props and passer-by, I would gladly volunteer!
Selrol – Hey, you have a much bigger role to play instead of props and passer-by. You are our Singapore band manager / director … remember?
[…] choose between voting for the opposition or that who-is-his-name? The one who can’t sing, let the terrorist in captive walked away from a detention camp, and the recent lapse at the Customs got me bang my head onto the desk. I also did learn […]
[…] squeezing its way into my radar of current affairs, what sort of local news sticks to my mind? Mas Selamat? Certainly. The rise in the price of a bowl of rice and the arrays of electronic road pricing […]
[…] to look for the bear. Did we find the bear? Had there be one and had it be not as smart as Mas Selamat, I am sure we can find it, eventually. No. The ‘bear’ was merely some PR stuns, […]